Summer's Over, School Started...

Before you read this, just know that it's going to get pretty depressing. I don't like posting depressing things on my dA and such, and usually never do, but I just really feel the need to this time. I'll just go down the list; not all of it's depressing, but yeah.

1: Before school ended in Spring, I was offered to illustrate a comic. I accepted.
2: Found my long-lost crush of 5 years during the last month of school. He eventually became my first ever boyfriend.
3: Had much fun spending time with him during the Summer. Even went to a faire with my family and him.
4: During and before the summer I had much anxiety and resentment towards my own art. Actually for the past few years or so, but the recent months especially.
5: I achieved no major Summer goals. Didn't learn how to drive (and still didn't even drive a car for the first time!) and didn't start doing commissions. In fact, I didn't draw much of anything...!
6: My anxiety of failing my art has gotten so bad, I can't even bare to draw Swabawy... She's like, the funnest character of mine to draw, and I can't.
7: I did hardly anything towards the comic. I still can't bring myself to come clean about not being able to do it, but at this rate I probably won't before the deadline this September...
8: I discovered that I'm now in an inescapable loop of regret and unproductivity. I feel obligated to finish requests and gifts to others, but I fear I can't do it right so I do nothing. I want to draw things for myself, but I feel I must draw things for others.
9: My dad died..... He past on the 9th. I made the Obituary pamphlets for the service (the second time I made Obituaries, now), the service being last Saturday.
10: My family is now at great risk of losing our home because the bills are stacked higher than ever, and we already had to spend so much for the funeral service.
11: If we lose our home, I'll probably have to drop school for the semester.
12: At this rate, this year will be just as bad, if not worse than 2010 was.
13: I like all the classes I got this semester, enough. I'm finding Beginning Ceramics & Sculpture to be rather therapeutic because I get to be creative without worrying as much about failure.
14: My boyfriend will be moving very soon, thus making it a long-distance relationship.
15: One of his two dogs died yesterday. His brother got a puppy one or two weeks before.
16: I feel very inadequate and pressured about just about everything in my life right now...
17: I feel like a failure in many regards. I feel like I contribute hardly anything to my family. I feel like a lazy, selfish, stupid girl who needs to grow up.
18: Growing up is hard.

And that was my summer.